Various things

I just spent a lovely sunday.

My friend, T for my 32nd Bday took me to the Aveda Spa for a caribean body wrap and massage.

Then i went to my friend, the lovely J's place and spent the afternoon lolling about on her sofa and chatting. I've only just told her about us doing IVF and they are thinking of starting to try (naturally) at the end of this month so she asked if it was ok and i said, of course. I mean, i'm not God and i can't say when anyone can and will have offspring, obviously because i haven't and seem to be having a wee bit of trouble myself.

I don't know why with some people i have a reaction between anger and hate when i find out their "happy news"... I think to myself, THAT IS NOT FAIR!!! and for goodness sakes, just don't tell me and for the love of god, stop procreating!

But with J and T, i'm just really happy for them and want to be able to enjoy the experience with them. (Yes, i do have my days with T, when i shut the door behind her and burst into tears and cry and rave and wonder why it can't happen to me!)

I find myself alternating between happy optimism about this next cycle and sad expectation of failure. I mean, it's only my second go, and the first time, i got pregnant from dodgy blastocysts and the doctor says it's good indicator of future success.

J said an interesting thing today. She said that, perhaps the more we know, the more facts, procedures, strategies we try, the more difficult it is. Maybe she's right. Though, she hasn't gone through the motions, hasn't been smacked in the face with infertility yet (and probably never will).

It would be nice to be naive again.